A Letter to Moms... Let Us Build Each Other Up

I want to warn everyone upfront... this post is not sweet or cute like most of mine are. This is raw and honest and will probably make some people mad. This is my opinion of course, but nasty, rude, or mean comments will NOT be tolerated and will be deleted. With that said, here we go...

I am a mom. Like most moms (I'm sure) I feel like I am not the best mom in the world. BUT, I try to do my very best to raise my kiddo in a way that will make him a well-rounded, kind, loving, smart, adult. I feel like most moms would probably agree that we do the best we can. So why is it that we as moms are so quick to judge other moms and make them feel like they are worthless or less than if we don't agree with something they are doing??

The topics of breastfeeding and postpartum depression have probably been discussed to death. And if you don't want to read another post about them, stop now...

Still here? Ok then. I am a mom. I had postpartum depression. Breastfeeding was not all it was cracked up to be.

When my son was born, he was six weeks early. Just under five pounds when we brought him home, I of course tried to breastfeed him. It is what everyone said to do. It is what is best nutritionally for your baby. BUT it was awful. I didn't enjoy it. And neither did my baby. He had a hard time with it and so did I. After two weeks, I took him to the doctor for a checkup and they determined he was not gaining weight so the decision was made to use half prescription formula and half breast milk to feed him. It was a bit of a let down but a huge relief! And this is where most moms tend to start arguing with me and making me feel bad. Because I was relieved I didn't have to breastfeed anymore. Pumping was great. He ate so much better and started gaining weight. I cannot even describe how much better we BOTH were for this decision. Even though we both were better off, I still began to receive criticism and negativity for not "solely breastfeeding" my baby. Not only did people not care that this decision was a medical one but they also didn't care that as a new mom I felt super vulnerable and their comment really hurt. Even if the decision wasn't medical, I am quite confident I would have stopped fairly soon. And I also feel that anyone who has a problem with it can kiss my ...

Ok so why am I bringing this topic up after so long (my kiddo is six)? Recently I have been seeing waaayyy to many moms criticizing other moms for their decisions. I hate it!! One person in particular: Giselle Bundchen. I'd really like to punch her in the face but that is a story for a different day... As moms, we are a special kind of person! And we should be striving to uplift other moms, not tear them down! Every mom, at some point, feels like they are doing a terrible job! I believe it is our job as moms to build these ladies up. Let them know that they are doing a great job! When my son was born, I was told to lay him on his back. He didn't like sleeping that way and in fact would not sleep that way. After a month of zero sleep, I finally laid him on his stomach and miraculously he went to sleep and slept so good. Moms know what is best for their child and their situation. I cannot emphasize this enough: EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT AND EVERY MOM IS DIFFERENT. Moms should be able to make decisions about their kids without receiving criticism from other moms. Plain and simple.

This leads me to my second topic: Postpartum Depression.
I had postpartum depression. I noticed it shortly after giving birth but tried to fight it. I tried really hard! The negative comments I received about breastfeeding started making it worse. Then I moved to a new town, started a new job, and started college full-time less than 6 months after my son was born. And then it hit me...HARD. My emotions were uncontrollable; I would cry in the middle of class for no reason or would get ridiculously angry for no reason. I felt terrible physically but most of all I felt the worst because I wasn't being the best mom I could be for Michael. That really tore me up. I felt alone, like I was the only one dealing with it. People didn't really talk about it. It was almost like I was being told to hide it and take care of it silently. I started seeing a counselor. A wonderful Christian man who told me I was not alone, I didn't need to hide it, and that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I also talked to my doctor. He prescribed me a very low does of anti-depressants that I would take for about 4 months. Even as I type this I am considering deleting it because I still get embarrassed. Why is it that we don't talk about this more? It is more common than people realize. Moms should not be afraid or ashamed to say they are dealing with it. We should not be deemed "crazy" for saying the words, "postpartum depression." Say it. Postpartum depression. See, it wasn't that hard was it? To all the moms dealing with it, its ok! You are not alone and you will be ok. Get help. Talk to your friends. The one piece of advice my counselor gave me that really stuck with me was this: Get up out of bed every morning and get dressed. Don't hang out in your PJ's every day. Get up, get dressed and put on some makeup or fix your hair or something small that makes you feel good. Doing this one small thing helps release serotonin which can help you feel happy and good to start your day. I was amazed at how much it actually helped!

As my rant comes to an end I want to sum up my main point. Dear Moms, we are not perfect. And we never will be. But that is ok!! Our children don't expect us to be. Do the best you can! And help build up and support other moms who are having a tough time. We must unite as moms, not fight.

A Family I Never Knew I'd Have

As the month of November rolls on, I see so many of my friends posting daily about the things they are thankful for. I love seeing all the different posts! I decided to do something a little different this year. This month I am making a pledge to be thankful for one thing: the family I never knew I would have. What family is this you may ask? My Air Force family.

This past year has been one amazing journey. My favorite part is the people I have met. These people have become a family like non-other. They are the people that have welcomed me without a thought of hesitation, helped me through difficult situations without really knowing me. They have volunteered to be the emergency pickup for my kiddo after meeting me once. Yep, I said once. I have asked a friend to be the emergency contact because well, I don't really have anyone else to ask. That is part of this life. These ladies understand that we don't have years to develop friendships. We have days, weeks, months at most. We have to make friends quick! Why? Because as soon as we make friends, we are preparing to leave again. No one understands this like these ladies I have met here.

I have experienced so much love, fun, and lifelong memories! And it has only begun for us! But the fact that I have seen so much of this already, gives me so much hope for the future. Being welcomed into the Air Force like this sets up for a great experience to come.

These ladies are the ones I turn to in sorrow and pain, and in happiness and excitement! We share in welcoming babies, welcoming husbands back home, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings...and drinks! Drinks are always good! We watch each others kids and pets. We celebrate holidays with each other because we can't always go home. We cry tears of joy and pain for each other! It is a family, one that is to be envied and cherished.

So this month, I am thankful for this amazing family! There are too many people to name but I am going to work on showing them just how thankful I am! Thank you ladies! You are the ones that make this journey worth it!

Six years of learning patience and more love than I've ever known

To Michael,

 

My sweet, sweet little man, can you really be six already? I feel like it was yesterday that I was holding you in my arms for the first time. I know everyone says that but it's true!

 

From the day you were born you were amazing us! Six weeks early, just shy of five pounds, and didn't need an ounce of help from the NICU. They still put you in there for about a day to be safe, but you were tough. So tough!!

 

 

Then came your first smile, your first laugh, your first tooth... growing before my eyes every day. Months went by and all of a sudden we were celebrating your first birthday. We were amazed at how much you had grown and changed in that first year. You were walking and almost talking!

 

 

After that first year, time seemed to go so much faster! In the blink of an eye you have turned six. SIX!! You can no longer count how old you are on one hand. You like superheroes, Pokemon, and don't need mom's help for anything. I LOVE how independent you are but miss my sweet snuggles before bed. You are learning to read. And you are excelling at it! Always amazing us, every day.

 

I can already see the man you are becoming.

You have such a kind heart! One that cares about others and stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves. Never change that!

You are so brave and fearless! And you always love to tell me how pretty I look today and how much you love me. Just keep that up and you will make some girl very happy one day.

Don't get me started on how smart you are! In a few years, you will surpass me and daddy in that department. Keep it up... you've got to pay for college somehow! HAHA!

 

 

These past six years have been years of learning:

how to change diapers

how to not sleep through the night for at least three months

how to baby-proof an entire house

patience

how to play tag

how to soothe a black eye...or three

patience

how to play crash and burn with pretty much every toy

not to say anything in front of you we don't want you to repeat

how to clean ravioli out of your ears

patience

how to clean juice out of the carpet...again

how to play video games

to again not say anything in front of you we don't want you to repeat

how to explain death and loss...this will never get easier

patience

 

Six years of more love than I have EVER known. More love than I thought my heart could hold...

and it just keeps growing! Every day.

 

Happy Birthday, Brian Michael!

 

So it begins...

October is a busy month for us! Three birthdays, including my son's, Halloween, fall events, and much more. We celebrated our one year anniversary of our first move with the Air Force. But this year I also added another anniversary. One that I didn't celebrate. I didn't tell anyone about it. I remembered it silently to myself. 

One year ago this month we found out that our second baby, the one we had prayed for, hoped for for almost a year had been taken to Heaven. At 12 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER for some alarming bleeding. In my heart I knew what was happening. But I was still praying that I was wrong. I was keeping strong because I knew the second I let it go, that was it...I wasn't getting it back. The dr came and told us the news. No heartbeat. There was to be no joy, no relief that maybe I was just being paranoid. My heart sank. Immediately there was anger and confusion... Loneliness swept over me as I cried to myself asking God why? Why would You finally bless us just to take it away?? Silence. Or so I thought...

I was in pain. Terrified. Angry. My heart was aching to hear an answer from the One who's grace is so abundantly loud, if only we are willing to be still and listen. 

As is sit here writing this, that pain is still so very real. A lump in my throat, tears on my face, but a joy like none I've ever felt before! It took months for me to realize that even in that sorrow God's grace and blessing was pouring down upon me! I chose to make this my first post because this month, even in my sorrow and silent remembrance, God is showing me HIS plan. Not my plan; HIS plan! One of the preachers at our church told me something that I will ever forget: God does not put a desire in your heart to not see it fulfilled. That seems so simple, but it screams truth and brings a new found joy to my heart!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord, plans to prosper you, and to give you hope!" 

This month we also hit two years of fertility struggles. And because of that one simple message, two years doesn't seem so bad. I know God has big plans for us! And I know He will see these desires fulfilled. He has taught me so much through this year. I have learned to be still. Be still and trust. Trust and pray. Pray and know that His grace is always there. 

So I begin my blogging adventure with this: Even if it seems like your plans are going nowhere, look to the heavens because HIS plans are so much better than yours...