I want to warn everyone upfront... this post is not sweet or cute like most of mine are. This is raw and honest and will probably make some people mad. This is my opinion of course, but nasty, rude, or mean comments will NOT be tolerated and will be deleted. With that said, here we go...
I am a mom. Like most moms (I'm sure) I feel like I am not the best mom in the world. BUT, I try to do my very best to raise my kiddo in a way that will make him a well-rounded, kind, loving, smart, adult. I feel like most moms would probably agree that we do the best we can. So why is it that we as moms are so quick to judge other moms and make them feel like they are worthless or less than if we don't agree with something they are doing??
The topics of breastfeeding and postpartum depression have probably been discussed to death. And if you don't want to read another post about them, stop now...
Still here? Ok then. I am a mom. I had postpartum depression. Breastfeeding was not all it was cracked up to be.
When my son was born, he was six weeks early. Just under five pounds when we brought him home, I of course tried to breastfeed him. It is what everyone said to do. It is what is best nutritionally for your baby. BUT it was awful. I didn't enjoy it. And neither did my baby. He had a hard time with it and so did I. After two weeks, I took him to the doctor for a checkup and they determined he was not gaining weight so the decision was made to use half prescription formula and half breast milk to feed him. It was a bit of a let down but a huge relief! And this is where most moms tend to start arguing with me and making me feel bad. Because I was relieved I didn't have to breastfeed anymore. Pumping was great. He ate so much better and started gaining weight. I cannot even describe how much better we BOTH were for this decision. Even though we both were better off, I still began to receive criticism and negativity for not "solely breastfeeding" my baby. Not only did people not care that this decision was a medical one but they also didn't care that as a new mom I felt super vulnerable and their comment really hurt. Even if the decision wasn't medical, I am quite confident I would have stopped fairly soon. And I also feel that anyone who has a problem with it can kiss my ...
Ok so why am I bringing this topic up after so long (my kiddo is six)? Recently I have been seeing waaayyy to many moms criticizing other moms for their decisions. I hate it!! One person in particular: Giselle Bundchen. I'd really like to punch her in the face but that is a story for a different day... As moms, we are a special kind of person! And we should be striving to uplift other moms, not tear them down! Every mom, at some point, feels like they are doing a terrible job! I believe it is our job as moms to build these ladies up. Let them know that they are doing a great job! When my son was born, I was told to lay him on his back. He didn't like sleeping that way and in fact would not sleep that way. After a month of zero sleep, I finally laid him on his stomach and miraculously he went to sleep and slept so good. Moms know what is best for their child and their situation. I cannot emphasize this enough: EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT AND EVERY MOM IS DIFFERENT. Moms should be able to make decisions about their kids without receiving criticism from other moms. Plain and simple.
This leads me to my second topic: Postpartum Depression.
I had postpartum depression. I noticed it shortly after giving birth but tried to fight it. I tried really hard! The negative comments I received about breastfeeding started making it worse. Then I moved to a new town, started a new job, and started college full-time less than 6 months after my son was born. And then it hit me...HARD. My emotions were uncontrollable; I would cry in the middle of class for no reason or would get ridiculously angry for no reason. I felt terrible physically but most of all I felt the worst because I wasn't being the best mom I could be for Michael. That really tore me up. I felt alone, like I was the only one dealing with it. People didn't really talk about it. It was almost like I was being told to hide it and take care of it silently. I started seeing a counselor. A wonderful Christian man who told me I was not alone, I didn't need to hide it, and that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I also talked to my doctor. He prescribed me a very low does of anti-depressants that I would take for about 4 months. Even as I type this I am considering deleting it because I still get embarrassed. Why is it that we don't talk about this more? It is more common than people realize. Moms should not be afraid or ashamed to say they are dealing with it. We should not be deemed "crazy" for saying the words, "postpartum depression." Say it. Postpartum depression. See, it wasn't that hard was it? To all the moms dealing with it, its ok! You are not alone and you will be ok. Get help. Talk to your friends. The one piece of advice my counselor gave me that really stuck with me was this: Get up out of bed every morning and get dressed. Don't hang out in your PJ's every day. Get up, get dressed and put on some makeup or fix your hair or something small that makes you feel good. Doing this one small thing helps release serotonin which can help you feel happy and good to start your day. I was amazed at how much it actually helped!
As my rant comes to an end I want to sum up my main point. Dear Moms, we are not perfect. And we never will be. But that is ok!! Our children don't expect us to be. Do the best you can! And help build up and support other moms who are having a tough time. We must unite as moms, not fight.
