Six years of learning patience and more love than I've ever known

To Michael,

 

My sweet, sweet little man, can you really be six already? I feel like it was yesterday that I was holding you in my arms for the first time. I know everyone says that but it's true!

 

From the day you were born you were amazing us! Six weeks early, just shy of five pounds, and didn't need an ounce of help from the NICU. They still put you in there for about a day to be safe, but you were tough. So tough!!

 

 

Then came your first smile, your first laugh, your first tooth... growing before my eyes every day. Months went by and all of a sudden we were celebrating your first birthday. We were amazed at how much you had grown and changed in that first year. You were walking and almost talking!

 

 

After that first year, time seemed to go so much faster! In the blink of an eye you have turned six. SIX!! You can no longer count how old you are on one hand. You like superheroes, Pokemon, and don't need mom's help for anything. I LOVE how independent you are but miss my sweet snuggles before bed. You are learning to read. And you are excelling at it! Always amazing us, every day.

 

I can already see the man you are becoming.

You have such a kind heart! One that cares about others and stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves. Never change that!

You are so brave and fearless! And you always love to tell me how pretty I look today and how much you love me. Just keep that up and you will make some girl very happy one day.

Don't get me started on how smart you are! In a few years, you will surpass me and daddy in that department. Keep it up... you've got to pay for college somehow! HAHA!

 

 

These past six years have been years of learning:

how to change diapers

how to not sleep through the night for at least three months

how to baby-proof an entire house

patience

how to play tag

how to soothe a black eye...or three

patience

how to play crash and burn with pretty much every toy

not to say anything in front of you we don't want you to repeat

how to clean ravioli out of your ears

patience

how to clean juice out of the carpet...again

how to play video games

to again not say anything in front of you we don't want you to repeat

how to explain death and loss...this will never get easier

patience

 

Six years of more love than I have EVER known. More love than I thought my heart could hold...

and it just keeps growing! Every day.

 

Happy Birthday, Brian Michael!

 

So it begins...

October is a busy month for us! Three birthdays, including my son's, Halloween, fall events, and much more. We celebrated our one year anniversary of our first move with the Air Force. But this year I also added another anniversary. One that I didn't celebrate. I didn't tell anyone about it. I remembered it silently to myself. 

One year ago this month we found out that our second baby, the one we had prayed for, hoped for for almost a year had been taken to Heaven. At 12 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER for some alarming bleeding. In my heart I knew what was happening. But I was still praying that I was wrong. I was keeping strong because I knew the second I let it go, that was it...I wasn't getting it back. The dr came and told us the news. No heartbeat. There was to be no joy, no relief that maybe I was just being paranoid. My heart sank. Immediately there was anger and confusion... Loneliness swept over me as I cried to myself asking God why? Why would You finally bless us just to take it away?? Silence. Or so I thought...

I was in pain. Terrified. Angry. My heart was aching to hear an answer from the One who's grace is so abundantly loud, if only we are willing to be still and listen. 

As is sit here writing this, that pain is still so very real. A lump in my throat, tears on my face, but a joy like none I've ever felt before! It took months for me to realize that even in that sorrow God's grace and blessing was pouring down upon me! I chose to make this my first post because this month, even in my sorrow and silent remembrance, God is showing me HIS plan. Not my plan; HIS plan! One of the preachers at our church told me something that I will ever forget: God does not put a desire in your heart to not see it fulfilled. That seems so simple, but it screams truth and brings a new found joy to my heart!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord, plans to prosper you, and to give you hope!" 

This month we also hit two years of fertility struggles. And because of that one simple message, two years doesn't seem so bad. I know God has big plans for us! And I know He will see these desires fulfilled. He has taught me so much through this year. I have learned to be still. Be still and trust. Trust and pray. Pray and know that His grace is always there. 

So I begin my blogging adventure with this: Even if it seems like your plans are going nowhere, look to the heavens because HIS plans are so much better than yours...