So it begins...

October is a busy month for us! Three birthdays, including my son's, Halloween, fall events, and much more. We celebrated our one year anniversary of our first move with the Air Force. But this year I also added another anniversary. One that I didn't celebrate. I didn't tell anyone about it. I remembered it silently to myself. 

One year ago this month we found out that our second baby, the one we had prayed for, hoped for for almost a year had been taken to Heaven. At 12 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER for some alarming bleeding. In my heart I knew what was happening. But I was still praying that I was wrong. I was keeping strong because I knew the second I let it go, that was it...I wasn't getting it back. The dr came and told us the news. No heartbeat. There was to be no joy, no relief that maybe I was just being paranoid. My heart sank. Immediately there was anger and confusion... Loneliness swept over me as I cried to myself asking God why? Why would You finally bless us just to take it away?? Silence. Or so I thought...

I was in pain. Terrified. Angry. My heart was aching to hear an answer from the One who's grace is so abundantly loud, if only we are willing to be still and listen. 

As is sit here writing this, that pain is still so very real. A lump in my throat, tears on my face, but a joy like none I've ever felt before! It took months for me to realize that even in that sorrow God's grace and blessing was pouring down upon me! I chose to make this my first post because this month, even in my sorrow and silent remembrance, God is showing me HIS plan. Not my plan; HIS plan! One of the preachers at our church told me something that I will ever forget: God does not put a desire in your heart to not see it fulfilled. That seems so simple, but it screams truth and brings a new found joy to my heart!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord, plans to prosper you, and to give you hope!" 

This month we also hit two years of fertility struggles. And because of that one simple message, two years doesn't seem so bad. I know God has big plans for us! And I know He will see these desires fulfilled. He has taught me so much through this year. I have learned to be still. Be still and trust. Trust and pray. Pray and know that His grace is always there. 

So I begin my blogging adventure with this: Even if it seems like your plans are going nowhere, look to the heavens because HIS plans are so much better than yours...